I just figured it out - listen.

So, someday very soon China will realize that all of it's present problems can be solved like magic if it calls in the huuuuge debt it's accumulated from the US.

Meaaaanwhiiiile... A couple of Swedes vacationing in Tibet will hear the voice-of-the-planet while playing scrabble in their hotel room, and proceed to spread the secret to all the locals and much of Europe, eventually breeding a new tree-hugging hippie master race.

Meanwhile China has claimed the US as its own, and promptly use their newfound firepower to pull the heck out of Afghanistan and instead promptly conquer Russia, Canada, and Fiji (for vacations). They realize that building an army out of high-school-graduates is a REALLY GOOD IDEA (not the the high school graduates, but for the people who'll profit off it anyway).

The tree-hugging planet-whispering EU (plus Tibet) thinks this is gross. They promptly shun the nonbelievers (China, US, Russia, and Canada - and Fiji) and then forget about them totally to go swim with dolphins and make daisy chains.

Then a huge-ass meteor comes careening in from space, scrambling everyone's brains, raising the sea level, and tossing mankind back to the dark ages. The EU doesn't mind because the planet's just fine.

But THEN - An Swedish albino woman goes randomly insane and kills everyone in the EU - EVERYONE with the super-cool ability of planet-whispering, anyway - except for a couple of italian families who heard about it in advance and went into hiding. In Tibet (the crazy Swedish woman killed all the Tibetans too, though. It's lucky there are lots of Han Chinese in Tibet by this time, or the Italian families would have been rather lonely).

Time passes and the Italian families interbreed and have Italian children. Meanwhile China is bouncing back very quickly from being thrown back to the dark ages, and build a huge city on the newly-fertile and jungley land just north of the Tibetan plateau.

The Italian families are reduced to one lone scion due to infertility caused by inbreeding. Her name is Ifalna (I know that's not a very Italian name, now shush). Some lone scholars in the new big city get curious about the huge-ass meteor and re-discover the truth about the planet (but they can't talk to it because they're not as cool as the Swedes). They decide to use it to develop a new clean power source and the North-of-Tibet green area goes all dry and sandy again. They don't care because the company that's monopolized most of the world's industry by this point is getting very, very rich. The president of the company decides he'd like to be powerful, too, and calls on his mad scientists to make and army of high-school-graduates. This torks some people off and they start eco-terrorist groups. Most of them are American, for whatever reason... Anyway, they turn out to be poor problem-solvers.

So the mad scientists go on their happy way and build an army of high-school-graduates. One of them finds the Italian girl and makes a cute little green-eyed Italian halfbreed. The other one develops a disturbing obsession with the now-long-dead Swedish woman, and injects a pregnant Spaniard with her insane DNA to try and make up for his inability to get a girlfriend.

The Spaniard's ex-boyfriend doesn't like this, so mad scientist #2 has to kill him.

The Spaniard doesn't like this, so she calls up the unholy powers of the underworld to make her ex-boyfriend immortal. This doesn't work immediately, so they put him in a coffin in the basement.

Then she gives birth to an albino baby and dies. Mad scientist #2 thinks this is hilarious, and kills off mad scientist #1 and his wife for kicks. Then he performs unholy experiments on the albino baby with great success.

He builds a superhuman army of high-school-graduates and the president of the company is Very Pleased. He decides that the time is now to take over Japan.

Time passes and an enthusiastic kid from Thailand wants to go to the-city-in-the-middle-of-China-that-used-to-be-somewhat-garden-ish - Tell you what, that's too long. Let's just call it Midgar. That works - to seek his fortune in the army-of-high-school-graduates.

He meets the Swedish boy and the Italian girl and decides that they should be BFFs. Then he meets a Norwegian kid who's super-dorky. Mad Scientist #2 is very bored by this time, and sends the Albino boy, Thai boy, and Norwegian boy to the Norwegian boy's tiny hometown in the mountains...

...But the Albino boy's dead Swedish genetic donor is there! So he goes batshit insane just like his mother(?) before him, stabs some people, and burns all of Norway to the ground. This doesn't make the Norwegian kid or the Thai kid very happy, so they toss the Swedish kid in a pit of planet goo. (Though who knows how that got there since there aren't exactly many people in Norway to need planet goo around for lecktricky. The little Norwegian boy's village is so backwards they don't even have fellytones!)

Unfortunately, the effort of overcoming the Swedish kid makes the others pass out, since he was more superhuman than they (and he had a G.E.D., which everyone knows grants power levels of over 9000), they pass out and are kidnapped by Mad Scientist #2, who performs unholy experiments on them for five years and makes the Norwegian kid get a G.E.D.

Then the kids inexplicably wake up after being vegetables for five years and run for their lives away from the burnt-out husk of the Norwegian village.

But the Thai kid dies and that makes the Norwegian kid very sad, so he goes insane but later meets up with the Thai kid's Italian girlfriend and then joins up with some ecoterrorists because this Norwegian girl who was mean to him as a kid was with them.

Recognize this?

Heehehee.